cantante_lirica

In the week before & holy week (through to the day after Easter Monday), my husband had 8 funeral services in 16 days.  Plus holy week services: a Taize service, Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday (someone else was leading, he just had to be there and read, thank goodness), Sunrise, Easter Sunday.  6 dead people, 4 of whom were church members, and 2 of whom decided to have separate burials and memorial services!  

Needless to say, everything else got dropped.  He was working 80 hour weeks and keeping weird hours and barely sleeping and I felt like a single parent driving Nahum to preschool and school's cool, and giving him the ipad while I taught because his dad was at meetings, etc.  The house ended up a mess, and then immediately following Easter Chris got sick. Nasty sick.  He did the last funeral, last Tuesday, (for a 104 year old!!) hopped up on Nyquil.  Then I had to convince him to cancel meetings and extra stuff the rest of the week.  He was useless and sleeping, and of course, I had to sing yesterday and was trying not to get sick. At least he's good about sleeping separately when that happens.  

He finally went to the doc Friday night and it turns out it's a throat & ear infection, but the cough is really nasty and I'm worried he'll end up with something else on top of that.   He & Nahum were supposed to come hear me sing at this charity concert I did today, and couldn't come because he was ill, and today was supposed to be N's b.day party (his fourth birthday was Friday!).  

So we're all exhausted and sick of being sick and busy, and Chris has actually taken next Sunday off.  We are going to have the birthday party Saturday morning, then Chris has a short burial, Nonna & Grandad will take N, and Chris and I will go to Toronto to see canadienne29 in Tales of Hoffmann!  We're going to stay in the city and I'd like to see about going to our old church to visit/worship.  A friend's small opera company is performing Suor Angelica Sunday afternoon, too, but that might be more opera than Chris can handle for what's supposed to be a break!  Mom & Dad will have N til Monday, and other than teaching, we have nothing on that day, so maybe we'll stay two nights in the city?  (I doubt it, just due to price, but you never know)

This week, my students are singing in Kiwanis festival.  I've never done it, I've done the smaller festival south of us, which is super well organized.  This one, not so much.  AND one student couldn't make any of the rehearsals with the pianist so another teacher let her squeeze on the end of her students' rehearsals and then her duet with with another one of my students fell apart.  So much so that the pianist emailed me to say "what do you want to do?"  So we'll sort it out tomorrow, I'll probably have those two over for an extra rehearsal, but then I can cancel their lessons this week, move a couple of things around, and go see Trovatore Tuesday in Hamilton, so I'll have a week of opera stuff!  

I'm up in the middle of the night because N peed the bed... first time ever, really.  There was once that he fell asleep super early and we hadn't done bedtime so we hadn't made him go potty, but I don't really count that.  So now I'm down on the couch and he's with his dad while the baking soda dries up his mattress.  Except I was wide awake, so I babbled about all the busyness we've had.  

This last week was 6 months til I leave for Europe.  I'll be gone Thanksgiving (canadian - Columbus day for the rest of you) til almost xmas, spending 4 days in London before flying over to Frankfurt, where i have friends.  I will be basing myself in Berlin, but will see them first and last for a few days to see their beautiful twin 3 yr old girls and visit.  I have a colleague who is also going that will share and apartment with me, and I'm going to try this audition tour thing.  I don't know if anything will come of it, but I'm doing my darndest to try and get something out of it.  I'll miss my boys like crazy, it's a long time to be away, but I need to do it.  I've never been ready before, and I'm getting too old.  Here's hoping the economics are out-weighed by all the European liking bigger voices/doing bigger rep/not as age obsessed/willing to take a chance/etc things that people spout all the time.  

So far I have a recommendation/connection to a coach in London who has her hands in a lot of pies.... and the pianist from the charity concert I sang today is friends with someone at the opera in Weimar and offered to recommend me there.  I will spend the summer tapping into every networking connection I can as I continue to polish my rep and work on my German, but of course it's really a big unknown.  But maybe after doing the big trip, even if nothing comes of it, I'll be content to come back and just be local voice teacher.  Who knows?  But it's something I need to do.

Gee, I guess I should get some sleep!

I had an audition yesterday that went very well.  

It's for the Ottawa company that's doing the internet voting for casting. :P  So I'm going to have to get my mom's facebook network to go nuts on it if I'm a finalist, which I think is ridiculous, but I'm not above trying!

Anyways, I know the guy who has started this thing, but not well.  I sang the Rondine aria and they were like, wow, great... that's all we need to hear.  I knew there wasn't anyone waiting, and for some reason that gave me the courage to say "Are you sure, cause I brought some Mozart...." and the guy said... Tell me what I want to hear.  

I told him he wanted to hear the fast part of Non mi dir, and then I sang it.  (Well!!)

And they thanked me for singing it.  

Normally I wouldn't have had the courage to say something like that-- I'm sure it was the casual atmosphere, the fact that we've been in pay to sings together before (so he's not intimidating like some auditors can be), and the fact that I could always make fun of the opera-idol type thing he's trying if I wasn't picked!  I think those combined to make me care less and feel more comfortable than usual, and the result was I sang fairly well.  (I did sing old rep, and tried to correct some of the technical stuff we've been working on, but I'm not sure how well I did on that aspect.)

Well, overall a great lesson was learned and now I'm exploring how to find that sort of confidence & comfort in other audition situations, but I'm quite pleased with how I sang yesterday and with having had the guts to tell them what I wanted them to hear.  Also, I'm glad I sang what I sing best, instead of taking in arias from the roles in their season that just weren't as polished.

Family is when you are surrounded by puke and have an audition at the end of the week and instead of running away to keep yourself healthy you take care of those who need it (and just try to not catch this thing!).  But I have to admit that getting a hotel room has crossed my mind!!

...when you are open and willing to receive it.

I ended up sick or sleepy/practically in a coma for 8 days. I managed to teach most of the lessons I had scheduled but barely ate and did very little in terms of caring for N. I was just about useless. Also, panicking, about singing, about meeting my new coach etc. And I managed to make myself quit panicking and focus on being open.

I had a great coaching, immediately followed by a great lesson, and a mediocre rehearsal, which didn't matter at that point anyways. I was tired from all the singing (and walking...being out of the city, I am no longer used to walking!), and I was exhilarated and overwhelmed by all the stuff in my head, break throughs etc.

Peeling away layers, til singing feels like the easiest thing in the world. I had moments with both this new coach and my teacher where I realized I could do exactly what I wanted with a phrase. It felt so free, so limitless. I felt like an artist, instead of someone TRYING to achieve art, I was just making it as I went. It is some combination of being in the moment and being technically proficient that I haven't yet defined for myself but it was fabulously thrilling, in a very calm, peaceful kind of way. Like a phrase would come out not at all how I usually do it, and I would realize that what I had just done was the way I had been trying to do it all along. The way I imagined it in my head was suddenly, and for the first time, being put into sound. It didn't even feel as though it were coming out of my mouth, throat, body, etc into the room, but that it materialized from my mind to the room directly.

I got a glimpse of what I want to have happen all the time. And I came away with the tools to make it happen more often.
Something's coming, something good...

The next stage will happen when you are patient, willing and open to receive it.

Some wise person here, or on a forum or something posted that. It moved me so much that I copied and pasted it into a text document and saved it, forgot about it, and pulled it up today. It's exactly what I needed in a UGH but I don't WANT to way.

I need to be patient. My cold will leave, my voice will return, my learning will continue, etc. God, grant me patience, but HURRY UP!!

If you ask yourself why musicians charge so much for performances. We don't get paid vacation, we don't get paid sick days, we don't get bonuses for outstanding performances nor for Christmas. We don't have insurance plans nor do we qualify for unemployment. We sacrifice our family on special days so that we can bring happiness to others. Illness or personal affairs are not excuses for a bad performance. Next time you ask, remember that musicians are musicians because of the love of music, but that love doesn't pay debts. Happy Musicians Day!! Re-post if you're a musician.

There's nothing in it that I particularly disagree with, EXCEPT the overall attitude that it delivers. We also have a lot of flexibility that comes with our career hours, a lot of travel that 9-5er's don't get, and we are lucky to experience the joy and transformation our performances can bring to us and to others. Being a professional musician takes a lot of work, skill, and intelligence, so it's not like the people who are choosing that career have no other choice in terms of paying those bills. It seems SO negative. I don't want to advertise to the audiences that are going to be buying tickets (that then pay my bills) that I'm that grumpy, or that ungrateful.

I usually have no problem with the whole "artists deserve to be paid, this is their work!" stuff, but this one rubbed me the wrong way.

Child who just got accepted into local community production of Annie (chorus of orphans) is taking a month off of lessons because she's going to be SO BUSY with rehearsals.

First off, I cleared my schedule to give an extra lesson because they wanted it so badly... my mom was visiting and I could have just as easily said no. I prepped her for the audition. Also, was JUST talking to her dad about how well she is starting to do - lessons since January, took all of July off, and just the last 3 weeks I was starting to see exciting stuff happen. October is once or twice a week rehearsals, and the show is not until February. I can see taking a break in February! Dad on the phone said he's worried about her being confused between what the director wants and what I want, etc.... Plus homework and all of those demands, etc..... Of course they used the fact that I have a gig in October and am teaching limited hours to make it sound like they were doing me a favour.

How do I tell these people that it's about process? this kid is 11 and comes off as younger, I totally thought she was 9-almost-10. She needs to continue lessons and learning about music and not developing bad habits and I don't know how to explain that to people who don't get how it works. We were JUST starting to get to the point where she understood what I was talking about... starting into talking about technique as opposed to baby stuff.

I'm actively pushing for new students between my ad and my students appearing at the local market this saturday (passing out bios and business cards, etc), so maybe I can fill her slot before they decide to come back... whenever that is. (We're supposed to chat at the end of the month.) I have to admit they have always been a high maintenance family, and it'll probably make my life easier to just not deal with them... but i like the kid. She's a good performer and really loves it. She's built some focus over the course of the last few months, and I know some of that is maturity, but some is expectation, and I'm afraid that she'll lose that if no one is demanding she go slow and focus. (I don't think many people in her life are good at that.)

Anyways, fingers crossed that the 3 or 4 slots I have open will fill up and she'll have to be put on a waiting list to come back.

Also, my studio policies actually say 30 days notice required of quitting lessons, but I never have the guts to ask for the money. I need to figure out if I'm going to be a hard ass or a softie. Or I need to fill up so I have a waitlist and feel like I CAN be a hard-ass without screwing myself over and coming across as a money hungry bitch.

It's like that thing going around facebook - I am an artist, yes but I have bills too!!!

Recently the cat peed on the carpet. Today little one had an accident on the couch. And husband has been in an absolutely pissy mood for the last two days.

Enough is enough!!

I am down 10 lbs since a month ago when I switched meds (quit the remeron and started pristiq). I guess that's not bad and I should quit freaking out that the numbers aren't moving fast enough!! After all, our 2 week vacation included way more ice cream than a "diet" should. Also tried my first hot yoga class and managed to do yoga on my own maybe 10 of the 14 days we were at the cottage. Haven't done much since being home, but did my class at the Y yesterday. Have figured out that there's another couple I may be able to make in the summer since I don't have as many students.

Going to the dentist today to get a filling replaced... it fell out the night before last either overnight or first thing in the morning - I must have swallowed it. :(
Also, out of contacts and stuck wearing OLD glasses, but couldn't get in for an eye dr appt til next wednesday. Didn't get any glasses 2 years ago (when I last got a new Rx), and my previous pair N wrecked when he was a baby, so these are somewhere around 5 or 6 years old!! I probably shouldn't be driving and certainly won't do any big trips!!

Played in the sand with N, did some situps and a tiny bit of yoga. Sang a little (working on arias), went for a good walk. My yoga dvd got wrecked, but the dance and pilates ones are ok. Maybe i'll do one of those tonight. Need to get little one to bed first. Starting to feel thinner already! Trying to make sure my veggie and water intake are up, up, up!